Tuesday, October 02, 2012

Confession Tuesday: Time Keeps on Ticking into the Future...

Dear Reader,

It's been a week and a new month since my last confession.  Since then I have not lost my new obsession with Ghiradelli chocolate chips (however, my hiding place for them has been found out) and have now added Trader Joe's milk chocolate covered raisins to the mix.

I have realized I'm eating less vegetables and wanting more protein.  I'm craving meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and hot sandwiches.  It must be fall.


To the confessional--


I confess my life has been so busy, I've gone back to only checking email on Monday and Friday.

I find I do much better if I organize my life in large blocks of time.

Here's a quick bit of my week--

Monday:  Consulting work with poets (am), volunteer work 10-4 pm
Tuesday:  Two Sylvias Writing Project (am)/ mss consultation (pm)
Wednesday: Volunteer time (am) / consulting projects (pm)

As you can see, my own writing time has been what's been left out.  But I know there will be large blocks of time for it later in the month, so I'm okay with this.

I also find that email is a way that I can apple-fritter away hours without even knowing it.  And a lot of email checking is me deleting email.  Checking it twice a week is good for me.

I confess I'm trying to unsubscribe to everything that I delete without reading anyway.

~

I confess sometimes the busier I am, the more I get done.

There can be a crash and burn aspect to this.  Sometimes it's illness.  Sometimes it's lashing out at someone I didn't mean to hurt.  Sometimes it's just an overwhelmedness feeling that make my shoulders feel as if they are up past my ears--the no-neck syndrome.

Because of this, I've been having those weird dreams/night frights where I wake up because I think I've forgotten to feed or take care of a pet.  Or I'm watching someone's pet and have forgotten to feed it.  It's that fear I've forgotten something.

As you may see, I live with a constant sense of responsibility.  Which isn't always a great thing.  I've had to say no to people lately and to things I'd normally take on.

This is life though.  Finding balance.

We constantly have to readjust, listen to our limits, our feelings, and ultimately, follow our heart and gut.

 I took on a big volunteer job (outside of Crab Creek Review), but I did so because I believe in the organization very much and I know that things will calm down in 6 weeks as I'm done with this volunteer commitment November 17th.  November 18, you are looking beautiful standing there in your emptiness. 

~

I confess I still want to do the Artist Way and pull a group together to do that, but it looks as if beginning in late November may be best for my schedule right now.  So I haven't forgotten, got very behind in September due to being sick and am still catching up.

~

I confess I didn't want to make this confession seem like a "poor me" because that's not at all how I'm feeling.

I'm actually feeling really good, just more aware of my time and what I say yes and no to.
Just more aware of how I procrastinate and trying not to.
Just making sure I'm getting my priorities straight.
Just enjoying this incredible Northwest weather-- have we seriously had 3 months of no rain?

And always thinking about what I need to do, which I need to head off, life and its projects await.

Amen.



~ Kells

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