Tuesday, September 25, 2012
After two weeks, I'm finally well.
It wasn't even a "real" illness where you could call it something. Our community was calling it "the crud," which basically was just a bad cold where I had no energy and had to take a two-hour nap after going to the post office because I was so worn out.
Anyway, I'm better. Finally better and ready to start my fall writing life!
To the confessional--
I confess after I finish this confession, I'm going to turn off the internet (yes, I love how it seems I full control of whether the internet is working or not) and write.
From 7:45 am - noon, I have full period of emptiness, of no responsibilities, no commitments, nothing.
When I have blocks of time like these, I hate to waste them. They come and go too quickly.
I confess my favorite TV shows right now are Big Bang Theory, Project Runway & Conan.
For a long time, I didn't watch TV. I was also one of those people who also liked to point that out. "I don't have cable," I'd say as if that meant that my mind was a little more cleansed from all the garbage in the world, that it was pure poet mind and I was above all the TV watching folks who wasted their hours watching TV while I picked daisies in the field thinking about my work.
What I never really realized was what a jerk I sounded like.
What a way to end a conversation, "Did you see ____________?" a kind person would ask me. "I don't have cable," my quick and standard reply. Instead of, "No, I didn't. Tell me what you found interesting about it..."
I think as humans *ego* gets in our way more than we know.
When people don't like us, they're jerks.
When we feel insecure about one thing (in my case, if I was "smart" enough), we boost something else to prove that we are.
It takes some actual thinking to act with compassion and to not try to act from ego.
We all want to be loved and accepted. We all want to be seen for our best selves, but I would love to live in a world where most people considered what they are doing in life because they really want to or because of ego, and see how we all turn out.
I confess I'm currently hooked on Ghirardelli chocolate chips. Basically, I buy a bag of these and eat them all day long.
I knew I was in over my head when I found myself moving them from our candy drawer (yes, I have a candy drawer because I love sweets) into the drawer next to it so no one else would find them.
Next thing you know, I'll have stashes of them throughout the house. Thankfully, it's fall, so they won't melt and reveal themselves to some unsuspecting family member.
I confess I moved a bookcase and found a ridiculous about of dust, dog hair, and about 12 small toy mice I had been buying my cats.
I do not even want to know what's behind our refrigerator. I am more and more becoming a believer of "ignorance is bliss."
I confess I constantly misspell refrigerator as "refridgerator." In my world, there should be a "d" in it because we say "It's in the fridge."
For a long time I could not remember how to spell restaurant and souvenir. Actually, I just misspelled "souvenir" as "souviner" as I typed it.
I think the worst word to misspell is someone's name. If you can ever avoid doing that, DO!
I confess I've rambled on and it's now 7:43 am. Time to write.
Written by Kelli Russell Agodon
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