Monday, July 30, 2012

Confession Tuesday



Dear Reader,

It's actually Monday night when I am writing this, but I have told myself I cannot go to bed until I submit some poems, so I am procrastinating my blogging.  Ah, the life of a writer.

To the confessional--

I confess I know that submitting is part of the job of a writer, but I've been terrible (read: TERRIBLE!) at it this year.

It's very sad to see how many poems I've written and haven't sent anywhere.

Maybe sad isn't the right word. Maybe it's disappointing.  Or boring.  Or I-can't-get-any-good-news-if-I-don't-submit-my-work.

When I realize this I wonder what it would be like to be a regular human being who doesn't get acceptances.  What do they look forward to?  Babies?  Marriages? Vacations?  Paychecks? Commissions?

I know I love to receive the validation of an acceptance letter.  Of course, I must not love it that much as it has been 84 days since I last submitted.

Next subject...

~

I confess I joined Twitter a couple years ago not really knowing what I was doing (Thank you Martha Silano for creating my account as we sat in a Starbucks.)

The other night I was watching the Olympics Opening Ceremonies and following the West Coast funny comments on Twitter.  It was really the first time I had spent such an amount of time on it.

While I was there one of my favorite actors whom I follow who never tweets came on and said, "I'm thinking about following some random people..."

I am a scaredy cat when it comes to such interactions.

If I adore someone, I cannot speak to them. I become neanderthal girl and say things like "Me Kelli."  Well, this was/is an actor I adore.  (There are really only 2 celebrities I adore, this guy and Conan O'Brien.  Though I often act like an idiot around favorite poets too, sometimes I just hide near the appetizers exploring the cheese while others have memorable and life changing encounters.)

Normally, I'd just ignore such a tweet, I mean, why put myself out there for rejection?

But here's the thing-- hitting age 40 a few years ago and having that weird eye disease (optic neuritis) and losing my vision (then getting it back) at 37 has kind of given me this "F-it" attitude.  The life-is-too-short, and if I am rejected, embarrassed, humiliated, so be it.

So I sent Favorite Actor a tweet saying something like "I think you should follow a poet/editor...just sayin'."  And here's the thing-- he did.  95,000 and some people follow him and he follows me, plus 107 other people.  That's it.  Much of this is good timing.  But for me, there was a bit of risk.  No one wants to be rejected or ignored.  No one wants to be embarrassed.

But I guess I'm just at a point in my life where it's easier not to care if I look ridiculous, because honestly, life is too short.  In this world, we act as if life is this long event where we have time not to take take risks or do the things we want to do.  We save that stuff until we are braver, or stronger, or smarter.  But here's the thing-- who knows what the future holds.  Carpe diem.    Seize the Carp, I mean, day.

What --really?-- do we have to lose?

So I'm now am followed by an actor I admire.  1 degree of separation.  And if you're wondering who it is, you can check out the image below because I took a photo of it with my iPhone because that is the kind of dork I am, a smart one who knows how to use her iPhone to take a screen shot.


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I confess if Conan O'Brien followed me, I'd truly believe life is a magical place.

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I confess these are two of my favorite celebrity people.  There aren't many others I like because I'm picky like that.  And not very knowledgable in celebrity.

~

I confess I wanted to talk to Robert Pinsky at the Seattle Arts and Lecture event last fall and was invited to the reception before his reading to meet him.  And do you want to know what I said to Mr. Pinsky?  Nothing.  Because I was hiding by the appetizers.

~

I confess my goal this year is not to hide.  Wish me luck.  (And no matter what happens, at least I'll be eating less cheese.)

Amen.

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3 comments:

JLC said...

Kelli, you said a mouthful--but then, you know that. From the vantage point of less than a month away from my 84th (sic.) birthday, I must beg you not to change your mind. I've been submitting (perhaps a bit desperately) quite often lately, but the expense (even online) is getting to me, and nobody pays if they do take a poem.

Lissa Clouser said...

Don't hide! Keep not hiding! It's so much easier said than done and as much of a social butterfly as many people think I may be, I'm very much a cheese table person myself in some situations. So you're not alone.

Oh, and I also wonder what "normal" people look forward to when they don't have submissions and deadlines to count down to. It's confusing to me.

(Congrats on being followed by one of the people you admire most!)

Laura E. Davis said...

omg! i'm an so super jealous that john cusak is following you!!! my heart literally lept when i saw that's who it was. i *LOVE* him. i'd be on twitter constantly if that happened to me. :)

good for your for leaping!

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