Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Confession Tuesday - the Comfort Zone Edition



Dear Reader,

It's been a week of the-chick-can't-handle-the-stress and just craziness in my life.  As someone who doesn't crave drama or being overly-busy, some who is in love with her comfort zone, I've been trying to breathe.

I feel I haven't been around this blog too much, let's talk about that, that and how I need to expand my comfort zone a bit. . .

To the confessional--

I confess I haven't been blogging as much because I've had quite a few writing projects going on and have been doing some consulting jobs with a couple poets.

As a freelance writer, poet, and editor, I struggle with the money-thang.  Trying to make sure I have enough to keep the family fed, clothed, and warm, but also making sure I have time for my own writing.  It's been great to have some paying jobs lately as our expenses have been >= to what we're bringing in.

However, when things get too hectic for me, the blog loses.

Today I even thought about putting a "donate" button on my blog then decided that felt cheesy (no offense to anyone who has one).  I have kept my blog ad-free (I tried adsense once and it wasn't a good feeling).

I enjoy keeping a blog because I know many of you have contacted me and said this blog makes you feel good or you enjoy it or it helps you with your own writing or...  

But lately, I've felt I haven't had anything of interest to blog about.  And I don't like.

I want you to come here and read interesting relevant things, not about how I had a new stove in the middle of my living room for a week and that I woke up and realized how much I hate the word "tippy-toe" (which is true, that happened yesterday).

I think I might be in one of those dips where I'm pulled with other projects and jobs-- maybe I won't be here as much until things even out or we've caught up on our bills.

But we know I'll be here next month for the Big Poetry Giveaway--that will give me a few things to blog about in the next weeks!

~

I confess I'd like a patron.  And a trophy.  Just putting that out there Universe.

~

I confess I have totally broken my New Year's Resolution about only going on Facebook only on Fridays.  I have also broken my habit of sketching daily.

I don't really have anything to add about this except more proof I am not anywhere close to perfect, though I could have told you that long before I broke these resolutions.

~

I confess the most imperfect thing about me is that I have a hard time feeling normal when  I'm in that in-between spot in life, the climax of the story before the ending.

I love my comfort zone.  We're kind of best friends.

And I like beginnings and can tolerate ends, but it's that middle period that always gets me.

A good friend told me that when I'm in that spot I should enjoy it and look for possibilities.  I'm going to try this instead of trying to run to the ending, finishing things up.  Basically, I'm not crazy about the "unknown" part of life-- um, which is pretty much every day of our lives if you think about.



Here's the thing, like the sign says, life (and growth) happens outside your comfort zone.

And I know this.  But I was the girl in the backseat of the car with a bag of snacks.  I am the person who arrives early so I know where something is, but doesn't want to be the first one in the door.  I thrive on routine... way too much than I should.

So I'm going to try to appreciate those moments when I'm out of my comfort zone and what I can learn from them.  I'm sure many have learned this lesson a long time ago, but I learned always bring an extra pair of socks and have snacks.  Or "why risk it?"



So here's why I am -- wanting to live a wildly adventurous life where I am happy-go-lucky and playing it safely.

I confess I've been here all my life.

Amen.

P.S.  If anyone would like to share a time where you took a risk and it worked out, I'd love to hear it!  (Comments can be anonymous to protect the innocent sharers...)













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7 comments:

Shawnte Orion said...

Oops. My most recent blog post even mentions how much I like ye olde book o' kells. I swear I wasn't trying to raise any expectations or add any pressure.

Good luck with all of that "real life stuff" that I hear so much about.

Kells said...

No worries. All the pressure I feel is currently self-imposed. I'm a Capricorn. We do that to ourselves. ;-)

Leslie said...

I took a 1-semester fellowship and quit a job to do it. It was a vote for the writing life and it scared me spitless. I was 6 weeks away from unemployment, winter coming on (high heating bills), and thinking I should probably be panicking (which is usually the prelude to actual panic) and I got a magical phone call from Washington, D.C. Logically I know the two aren't connected, exactly, but it feels like being brave and risking a lot for your art allows others to also vote for your life as an artist. Or so I choose to believe.

Catherine said...

I was very surprised to hear that your blog is ad-free, because when I read it on google reader, there are always ads at the top of the posts. None of the many other blogs in my google reader have ads. So I clicked through to the actual blog and sure enough, no ads. I can't quite figure this out :)

Brenda Miller said...

Kelli, I'm waaaay outside my comfort zone at work right now, and while it's been stressful, it's also been exhilarating in its own way. I react, though, by tightening up my familiar, well-worn, threadbare comfort zone at home. I sense a balance coming on the horizon (also known as "spring break"!)

Kells said...

Thanks, everyone!

Leslie- thanks for the story ! I choose to believe too. Also loved the term "scared spitless" ! I've never heard that!

Brenda-- yes, balance is good. Get out of your comfort zone, but have a place to feel in at the same time!

Catherine-- So bizarre. I'm not sure what that is from! But yes, my regular blog is adfree, but if you're on GoogleReader, you wouldn't see that... of course, you're not supposed to be getting ads there either. ?? so weird.

Angie said...

I think pretty much every time I take a risk it works out. I don't mean it works out the way I think it's going to work out. On the contrary, it almost NEVER does.

I'm very risk-adverse, too. I'm the one who researches everything to death before I try it (movies, restaurants, books, travel, etc.) So it's kind of scary for me to jump into something if I don't know what the outcome is going to be or feel like the odds are going to be in my favor.

The funny thing is, when I do, I invariably end up learning something I didn't know, either about myself or the world. I love learning new things! And what better way to learn than through experience (rather than my usual, preferred, safe way--reading about it).

Second, I I feel very empowered afterwards. I conquered my fears. And I didn't die!

I have lots of examples big (having a baby, skydiving, going to China to teach but having no teaching experience) and small (the first time I told someone I was a poet, the first time I read my poems in public, every time I talk to someone I don't know, any time I go somewhere without a map or my smart phone).

Forza e coraggio!

--Angie


"Tomorrow, we shall have to invent,
once more,
the reality of this world.
...
Perhaps we'll open the day's doors.
And then we shall enter the unknown."

--Octavio Paz, "January First"
(transl. Elizabeth Bishop)


P.S. Confessions: I hate the word "tippy-toe," too. And I haven't written on my blog in over a year.

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