It's been a week of jetlag and napping since my last confession. I confess my mind is young, but my body tells a different story. Dear pillow. Dear one-more-hour of sleep.
But I am in good spirits and celebrated Valentine's day by going to dinner with my mum and family and by receiving a box of Frangos. Yes, those were once Fredrick & Nelson treats, now their name belongs to Macy's.
But now, it's time to confess. SO much on my mind, but what will I confess to? I guess we'll find out...
To the confessional--
I confess I was pretty excited to receive a call and an email from two (2!) separate publishers at AWP. I thought, "Wow, I must have really made an impression on them! How exciting, what good news do they want to tell me?" - Answer- It seems the Visa card I was using at AWP was my old card and so the expiration date was a year off which caused it be rejected again and again. Nice, Kelli.
So I had to call back and email them with the new expiration date and it went through just fine. So, I *did* make an impression, just not the one I would have liked.
I confess sometimes my ego lives in a world of its own.
I confess my imagination also lives in a world of its own where people call me up to give me money and prizes.
I confess it's not a bad place to live.
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I confess I learned an important health lesson and want to share this with you in case any of you do this. Two nights ago I took my vitamins *before* bed and they cause me to have a small case of esophagitis. Basically, the vitamin(s) must not have quite went down and I laid down to sleep and they caused an irritation.
When I woke up the next morning (Valentine's day) it felt as if someone was wrapping a red bow around my heart quite tightly. A pretty simile, but not a pretty way to feel. It hurt to swallow and felt as if there was something stuck in my throat. Anyway, it's HUGELY uncomfortable, so if you are in the habit of taking pills, vitamins, etc. before bed. Stop! It's not a good idea. And I've been told not to do it again.
I confess I've been SO excited about the success some of my favorite poets have been having in the poetry world.
I'm going to throw something out there and you can feel welcome to agree or disagree -- but all the recent successes and there's been QUITE a few (expect a list upcoming--some are still in the works with friends of mine and are still secret), but all the successes I know about are happening to incredibly nice, generous, and kind people.
I'm not exaggerating. These people are some of my best friends and/or the some of the nicest people around.
I confess, I do believe in karma. I do believe much of what we receive, is what we give out.
This is not to say we all need to be perfect and never feel jealous (a favorite quote of mine is by Justin Cronin who said, "Every time a friend of mine is published, a part of myself dies.") :-) But to realize, life is energy in action, we get what we give.
So, there you go. I'm seeing good things happen to good people these days and I'm personally drawing connections. And I confess, maybe it's because it's what I want/need to believe. Maybe there is no such thing as synchronicities, but I'm not sure I'd want to live in a life without magic.
I confess I like my woo-woo world, my karma connections, my we're-all-connected mentality. I do believe if you're cruel to your fellow human or animal, you're cruel to yourself.
Maybe because yesterday was Valentine's day, I'm all love and karma today. Maybe because I ate chocolate for breakfast. Maybe because for me, it's a better life to have faith and trust and all those five letter words that move us to a better place.
I confess I spent quite a long time living in fear (I have a book about it!) It's not the best apartment for anyone. It's dark and small and lacks lighting. I've moved into the world again (baby steps into the elevator). I still struggle with it sometimes. I still pull the blinds and sleep late. But I'm better. Better than I was.
And to come back to my happiness, it's turned to high when I hear good news for these poets I so respect and admire for not just their writing, but how they live their lives. And I hope to celebrate them in the couple weeks when all their successes are official and on the record.
I confess the older I get, the more I realize life is less of what happens to you and more of how you react to it. (I can react like an idiot sometimes, but you know, I've admitted to having a young soul.)
I confess on days when I don't know what I'll confess, I always seem to ramble. I hope you stayed with me. And I hope your life is filled with all good things and good karma.