Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Confession Tuesday

Another week, a blogoversary, and some soulcards and God Boxes in between, what could I possible have to confess?

Oh, there's always something, isn't there?

To the confessional--

I confess that people think I am better at balancing life/writing/family than I really am.

For a long time I've felt as if I'm not really doing anything well.

I think a lot of people feel that, life keeps us busy and jumping from boiling pot to boiling pot. Though sometimes I have all my pots on simmer, but I'm only cooking stone soup. Sometimes the pot marked "writing" is empty and the bottom of the pot is burned. Sometimes the pot marked "life" is filled with dirty laundry, shoes scattered across the living room floor, and lost keys. Did I say "sometimes," I meant "always."

Sometimes when I find myself feeling overwhelmed I lower my standards. William Stafford taught me this in reference to writing. It also works with life's details.

When someone comes into my house and it's not tidy, I steal from Roseanne Barr and say, "Sorry it's so messy, but we live here."

I do try to do my best and when I learn how to do better, I do.

I confess that when I find myself feeling overwhelmed, I try to feel thankful for what I have.

This morning when I asked my husband if he'd make a pot of coffee and my daughter asked him if he'd download an iTunes song for her, he said, "So many demands..." And I said, "And you have those demands to be thankful for because if you weren't hearing them it would mean we were dead. And you would miss us."

Sometimes I remind myself if things didn't feel chaotic/hectic/busy at times, it would mean that the people I love were missing.

I confess it's easy to forget what we have.

Last night at a Girl Scout's meeting, everyone had to state a goal they were working on. Some girls said, "To be a better friend." Some said, "To be more assertive." One parent said, "To have more fun." I said, "To be thankful each day for what I have and not take things/people for granted."

It's kind of an early New Year's resolution for me.

I confess I haven't written a gratitude journal in awhile so I think it's why I've been thinking about that.

I confess it's easier to see the mess in the living room than to be thankful for the people who made it. (I confess I can be a bit of a neat freak too.)

But I know, I can give thanks for the mess because of who it is attached to.

And I will. While all the pots boil over, I will give thanks for having pots and a stove to burn them on.

Amen.
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