Sunday, June 07, 2009

Good Sunday Morning



Another great book to recommend for your summer reading--though I think moms with kids would appreciate it the most, as well as fathers would enjoy (and learn from)--Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace

I read half the book yesterday and what I love most is her understanding that in America we are always looking for the next bad mom (currently, it's Kate, from Jon & Kate plus 8 - which is ironic because Jon is the one who has been photographed at 2 in the morning with many different women.) But because the job of motherhood has been raised to such an unreachable standard, if we can name the "bad mothers" then we can say to ourselves "Well, I'm not as bad as her..."

Ayelet Waldman admits to being a "bad mom" and/or worrying about it. Of course, throughout the memoir, you learn she's not a bad mom, but is not standard June Cleaver, which I appreciate because I am nobody's June Cleaver since I never learned to cook-- turns out, she didn't as well.

But it's been a great read so far because she has taken me into her world and showed me her flaws--how she judged other mothers herself, how she didn't noticed her 4th child was dehydrated & not getting milk as a newborn, how being a stay-at-home mom almost made her lose her mind, and so on...

As I said, I've read half of it in a day and plan to finish the rest of it tonight. And it's one of those books that I don't want to end. I can see I only have 1/2 the book left and I'm disappointed to see that.

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I finished my artist statement and am now at the rereading point. Hopefully on this lovely cloudy Sunday, I will submit the whole fellowship tonight. It's a big award. $7500. That would make a huge difference in our lives right now.

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Other things--

What I am Afraid of:

My violin recital is next Saturday and I am SO nervous. I'm playing 2 songs, a duet with my daughter ("Star Song"- think Twinkle Twinkle). And Bach's Marche. What I need to remember is the recital is not about me, but the music. It's about Bach. Yes. It's about Bach.


What I have been dreaming about:

Most of my dreams have to do with travel, moving or buying a new a house, or realizing it's Halloween. The Halloween dream can be a good one where I go out trick-or-treating with my daughter, or the anxiety dream where I realize it's Halloween about 5 minutes before sundown and haven't decorated or have costumes.

This last week, I've had dreams that I'm in a group of people being held by terrorists. Though if you hear "terrorist" and think of someone from the Middle East, you'd be wrong because my group of terrorists are made up white women with weapons. Last night, I was the only one who tried to escape and was grabbed in the hallway by someone with a can of Hershey's syrup. I'm not even going to try to figure that out.


What Annoys Me:

This morning, our coffeepot was making a moaning sound while it was brewing. It was the most ridiculous sound and who wants to drink the coffee from a pot that sounds as if it's in ecstasy. It was a little weird.

What I'm Looking Forward to:

Summer and no school schedule! Summer and beach time. Summer and our family vacations. Summer and sand throughout the house. Summer and sleeping in. Summer and dinners outside on our deck. Just all of it. And then I'll be aching for fall.


How I am Feeling:

See photo above. I'm still the ugly doll, but I'm being held up and I'm happy.


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2 comments:

Nin Andrews said...

I've been reading Freakonomics (it's really a great read), and there's a section on parenting in there that's really interesting, but it made me think I sure worried too much when my kids were young . . .

Kells said...

Freakonomics is on my summer reading list, so I'm glad to hear you are enjoying it.

It was interesting in one part of Bad Mother, she asked people what made a good mother, the answers varied - she took good care of her children, fed them healthy food, focused on their education, made sure they didn't watch too much tv, read to them, made sure to keep them safe from dangers, showed an interest in their interests, played with them, talked with them, etc. The list went on.

When they asked these same people what made a good father, they said: that he was a part of his child's life.

So basically, in people's minds, the mother had to make sure everything was perfect and the father just had to be there.

It's really helped me consider this idea of "the good mom" as I can always beat myself up over things. However, I find as my daughter gets older, I'm less worried I'm doing if I'm doing a good job (maybe because I can see who she is turning out to be) and also because I realize there is no one right way, but many ways. And just to go with the flow.

Thanks for your note and I appreciate hearing that you also worried too much when your kids were young. Comments like that always make me feel less alone.

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