Monday, March 03, 2008

Confession Tuesday

If you haven't made it over to offer good thoughts and prayers to Kristi at Goodnight Mom , you may want to. Her little daughter Eva had surgery on Monday for a tumor. The good news was the doctor got it all out and it looks as if she will not need chemo. All the details are on her blog, but maybe leave the parents some good words of support.

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St. Valentine (only 2 weeks late)
Patron Saint of Lovers AND Bee Keepers.

But it's that time. Confession time and I *think* it's been a week since my last confession. I'm still chocolate-free for Lent, still sweet-heavy and chocolate-free, but wanting.

Let the confessions begin--


1) I confess I've been less active in my blog and writing life than I normally am. I guess I'm in a "fill 'er up" phase. I'm in a late-night poem and rejection heavy world--4 while I was at Sylvia Beach (only Field had good words and a note that one of my poems was close.)

I no longer worry about these *dry* periods where I don't write as much I had hoped (or nothing at all). As a younger poet, I would pace and worry, sit down and stare, try to pound out my soul on the computer. My old poet self says enjoy the scenery, says "it's a journey, not a destination."

2) I heard Christian Wiman's voice (editor of Poetry) on a podcast recently and he sounds completely different than I imagined. He was actually quite enjoyable to listen to.

3) Since returning from Sylvia Beach retreat (and yes I have photos to prove it which I will post soon) I've felt disconnected a bit. Mostly on the first day back--this is my life? I thought. Now, I'm back in the flow of things ordinary, but I realize the spiritual part of my life is a little low as well. All these metaphors of my car being empty of fuel...what does this say?

While I practice Lent and a few other Catholic traditions, I see myself more as a spiritual person than a religious one. I believe very much in prayer, but I dislike church--my fear is that when humans try to interpret "the message" for me, they muck things up. There is ego involved. I think the best place for me to reconnect with a higher power is quietly, though I love Catholic rituals and the churches of Italy. Since I was little, I've just never thought I needed a middleman to get to God.

So I'm trying to center myself. Yoga is always good. Art museums are better.

4)I've started walking a new way around my neighborhood that goes by a miniature pony. I cannot feel unhappy or disconnected when I see this miniature pony. The moon makes me feel this way as well. So does nature. A starry night. A Starry Night.

5) I've been having a mid-morning snack of Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal, but without the milk. It's replaced my granola or Muesli snack. Because of this new routine, we have about 7 Bee Movie handbuzzers which I finally donated in with my Goodwill things.

Once at the Seattle Goodwill, I saw a huge bin of plastic items and I realized what actually happened to all those Happy Meal Toys. I wish cereal companies would just have a little note on their boxes that says - 50 cents (or whatever amount they like) has been donated to _______________ organization to help feed people in need. The world does not need another Bee Movie handbuzzer.

2 comments:

January said...

I think I worry more about not posting on the blog than I do about not writing a poem.

And I am a lapsed Catholic. I appreciate what the religion has given me becuase it has enabled me to be a more centered person. Everyone tells me I should try yoga to center myself. Hmmmm.

Goodnight, Mom said...

Kelli,

Thank you so much for posting about me and sending good thoughts. We're ok and hope to be home in a couple of days. Not so great news today but she's here and I'm so happy! :)

Can't wait for this to be over and my confessions to start again!

-K

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